Understanding Repressed Memories: The Minds Coping Mechanism
“Did you have any traumatic experiences in your younger years?” Dr. Barone asked me.
“What do you mean traumatic?” I wondered.
“Like a car accident or going to the hospital with an illness or surgery . . . or some kind of abuse?”
“No. Not at all. Nothing other than the measles and chicken pox. I was very healthy as far as I can remember.” I answered with confidence.—the conversation I had with my therapist just before I discovered I repressed memories of childhood abuse. Alligator in the Ocean, Chapter 11, page 44.
“They were good days, with good friends and loving parents. My childhood, as I recalled it, sounded ideal.” Alligator in the Ocean, Chapter 8, page 38
What is repressed memory?
Repressed memory is the mind blocking, forgetting, disassociating, keeping certain details of the past in an amnesiac state, related to a traumatic event. The victim or survivor of a traumatic event dissociates as a way to cope with the painful details. This is not necessarily a symptom nor does it imply that a survivor who has repressed memory also has the serious condition known as, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Repressed memory and dissociation, is better understood by further reading from trained professionals who have studied and implemented methods and practices addressing traumatic amnesia or repressed memory.
Mayo Clinic addresses repressed memory in an abstract written in an article by Richard J McNalley. He wrote:
“Although acknowledging that traumatic events are usually memorable, these theorists nevertheless claim that a sizable minority of survivors are incapable of remembering their trauma. That is, the memory is stored but dissociated (or “repressed”) from awareness.” Read the full abstract and article.
Dr. Heather Davediuk Gingrich, Ph.D. gives, “a bird’s eye view of this form of dissociation,” in her book, Shattered No More! Refer to chapter 3 pages 43 and 47.
“Abuse survivors invariably dissociate in some way, but the degree to which you experience dissociation depends on many factors.”
She then provides a description of Amnesia in Chapter 3, page 47. “Amnesia refers to gaps in memory for either the past or present. It is not uncommon, for example, for survivors to not remember an entire year or more of their childhoods. These memory gaps often occur for periods when abuse was occurring.”
Chapter 6, Dr. Gingrich, addresses more about memory or lack thereof if you are a trauma survivor or a loved one wanting to support and encourage someone who has experienced trauma. She addresses these concerns in Chapter 6, page 98 with these questions:
What if I have no memory of the traumatic event?
What if I have a sense that something bad happened to me when I was growing up, but I don’t know what?
What is the difference between traumatic amnesia, repressed memory and dissociated memories?
Here is Dr. Gingrich’s definition, found on page104, in her book, Shattered No More.
“Essentially, both terms refer to blocked memories. THE difference has to do with psychological theory. Repression is a psychoanalytic term that implies something being buried so deeply in the unconscious that it takes a lot of work to access. In case you haven’t figured it out already, I prefer the concept of dissociation! Accessing dissociated information is as easy as getting permission to go there.” (See Chapters 9 and 10)
When I discovered I repressed details of childhood abuse, I felt ashamed and afraid. Why did I forget such important information about my life? Why did it take so long for me to remember? Why am I so afraid to remember?
There were many reasons that I blocked those terrible details. I felt responsible for not intervening and stopping the person who hurt me and hurt many other children. I felt helpless to help myself and escape. The perpetrator repeatedly suggested and/stated I caused the harm he inflicted on me from the time I was five years old until I turned eight years old. The abuse stopped when my family moved away, to another state. As a result, I took the weight of someone else's (the perpetrator’s) wrongdoing, abuse, and harm and blocked the truth.
The truth was and is that I was not responsible for the perpetrators intentional actions to harm me and other children. I was not responsible for his action of violence against others. He used power-based violence, secrecy, fear tactics, and grooming methods to inflict abuse. And at the same time, what he did hurt me physically and emotionally. I was afraid to go back and remember those events.
Finding Hope After Traumatic Amnesia
When I discovered and addressed traumatic amnesia, repressed memory, and dissociated memories, many years after the traumatic events occurred, I searched and found a safe person and safe place to help me revisit my past. In turn, I revisited those past pains with hope and courage. I grieved in a healthy way. I shed the shame that bound me and hid the truth of the abusive events. If you are afraid or unsure about healing from past trauma and want help, go to my resource page to find options.
Final Thoughts: I hope you heal too
At first I was afraid of what I had forgotten. The repressed memory was like a thorn I couldn’t purge from my skin and even deeper within. However, the anguish and discomfort that invaded my soul and spirit challenged me to trust something more than the abuse and that I could rid the lingering pain from my inner being. It was not that I trusted the thought process that led me to wonder what was fueling the anguish and discomfort, rather it was that I trusted the Sovereign God I believed in who created me. Because I believe in a living God who loves me, and promises to care for me, and guide me through life’s hardships as well as life’s joys, I believed I could venture back to the past to locate where the fear and pain came from, without re-injurying myself.
I believed I would discover, find, and utilize strength to face my fears and pains of the past. I believed that healing meant I would find a better life beyond the abuse. And that the anguish and memory of physical and emotional pain caused from the abuse inflicted would fade and be void of power to re-injure me. I believed that the effects of past injuries (fear, doubt, distrust, discouragement to name a few) of abuse from the skin to the soul, would be replaced with wisdom, strength, confidence, and an inner calm. That is what happened as I healed and continue to experience today. I write this blog in hopes that you will heal too.
Concerning this thing (the thorn) I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 NKJV)
Additional Resources:
The following books are meant to give you options and also use as a resource to encourage you to heal from the effects of hardship you or a loved one has experienced.
Also for those who are searching for tools to understand and/or address repressed and dissociated memory refer to Shattered No More and From Trauma to Transformation:
From Trauma to Transformation: A Path to healing and Growth by Debra Laaser.
The Care and Counsel Bible, NKJV Translation
EDITORS, Tim Clinton – Executive Editor
Ed Hindson – General Editor, Jared Pingleton – Consulting Editor
BE BRAVE. BE SAFE. PERSEVERE.
This blog is for informational purposes only. Anina Swan LLC Blog makes no warranties, expressed, implied or statutory as to the information in this document.
