The best way to describe what happened next is similar to a calm before the storm. The days following Ivan’s phone call were quiet. No one contacted anyone. We all waited for something to happen but didn’t know what that something was--waited and waited. As the days crept along, I found an outlet to help me grasp the crisis, the scandal, abuse, amnesia, my identity, and our safety.
Writing about my thoughts eased the emotional load. When I wrote, it felt like I chipped one tiny piece of a 5’2” statue loose and it fell away. With every piece chipped free, I believed it was one chip closer to life restored. It also gave me presence of mind to address the heaviness weighting me within—trapped knowledge of a horrific truth that would soon break free in increments. The horrific truth of happened to me when I was a child equated to the storm. And in a peculiar way, the heaviness of dread that made me feel like a statue and stole my tears, may have helped sustain me through the its duration.
February 25, 1987 Journal Entry;
The waiting is the most difficult—waiting to find new information, to open the next door, to observe what ugliness and foul stench sits on the other side. I’m numb. How far is this going to go? What more has Ivan done that I don’t know about or remember? Will he try to kill us? Dear God, place your hand on each of my family members and protect us from the evils of what Ivan's hardened heart is capable of. We are in your hands, Lord, only. And we are not in control of evil.
Can you find joy or peace during waiting periods? Can perseverance really be produced when we are forced to wait for results?
I love this assurance that God is FOR us. It helps me remember we can trust Him with those vulnerable places that hold dreams we’ve never dared to share. And as we allow Him to have the deepest parts of our hearts, He moves us into a sweet place of trust where we begin to focus more on Him and less on the object of our wait. Read about Proverbs 31 Organization and how James 1 helps answer why waiting is difficult.
Are you in the midst of waiting? Click here to read a chapter from Wendy Pope's Wait and See
Be safe. Be accurate. Be brave.